One wonders.

Worst of all is the thought of what might have been... Struggling with Mervyn Peake's 'Gormenghast Trilogy'. It showed such marvellous promise in the beginning: all gloomy castle, dark corners, strange aristocrats and that wonderful overarching feeling of darkness and strife about to descend. But it just didn't live up to the early pages and by a mere few chapters in I could feel my attention drifting and my thoughts already turning fondly to thoughts of other great dynasty books like 'I, Claudius' and 'The Forsyte Saga'. I feel Peake fails to capture the Middle Ages properly as well which if done really well is magical. I recently read 'The Left Hand of God' and thought the way it captured the Medieval setting was incredibly powerful. 

Mr Blonde and I are still dating. I worked out recently that it has been coming up to 3 months since our first date. We are pretty much exactly where we were when we started seeing each other, just more familiar with each other now. We talk about the same sort of things each time, we only ever kiss goodnight, there has been no talk about any more significant type of relationship developing, we still only meet up about once every 10 days to 2 weeks and he still pays for everything when we go out. But I have to say that the more time I spend with him and the more used to his company I become the fonder I become of him as well. I would love to know what he thinks about it all though and why one earth he only kisses me goodnight.

Bumped into Phd Boy this afternoon which caused him to become very flustered and awkward. I was about to get on a bus and he was walking past. I saw him, smiled and we said hello then he somehow tripped over a dog and it barked at him as he said something about it being nice to see me. All over very quickly and I thought he was looking jolly attractive. Unfortunately this of course gave him a golden opportunity to get in touch and so I have just received a text message from him implying he would like to meet up. Some people are hard to shake off.

The sadness of love.

Germanicus has a new girlfriend.What is more they have been together for quite some time, so back when I was still a mess about us being apart he had launched into a full on proper relationship again. My friend recently met them together and says that the new girl looks crazily like me in terms of face and hair (though she is bigger and taller). I cried when I found out. I feel weird. I was right to split up with him and don't regret it. But I loved him so much, and for a long time was so happy with him, shared so much with him and truly thought we would always be together. When I split up with him I still loved him, and it feels as though he moved on so easily and it has been so difficult and challenging for me. I am not even ready for a real relationship now, so strongly did I feel for him and so lasting an impact has it had. He obviously didn't feel it all as strongly as I did. I feel so sad about it and dread the thought of bumping into him with her when I am out somewhere. I hate the thought of him being like he was with me with someone else.

I think it is that sense of being part of a team, of sharing your life with one other person. A person who knows you in a way no one else does. For no matter how close you are to your parents, siblings or friends they don't know you in the way that your partner does. The two of you become joined on this special level and share aspects of yourself that are a closed book to anyone else, and can become closer than you are to any other person. He has found himself on another team, and has already found that special connection and relationship with someone else. I am happy to be dating again but until very recently have not felt ready to share that kind of huge commitment with anyone but him. To me a proper relationship is a huge deal and I take that level of commitment very seriously indeed. For him to have been ready to just forget about me and commit so soon to someone else feels horrible. He has not done anything wrong, I just feel hugely sad about it. It hurts so much.

But life goes on and I will hopefully meet someone who is the right match for me one day soon.

Things are going very well with Mr Blonde. We had dinner and drinks again earlier this week and I really do like him more and more. He is not terribly intellectual and doesn't read the sort of books I do (he likes good old thrillers) and isn't awfully into culture in general, but he doesn't mind the least bit that I am (unlike my horrid experience with Phd Boy who clearly found ti intimidating). I find we actually have lots to talk about even though, or perhaps because, we like different things and I do think him jolly cute.

Still find it odd that someone can reach 30 without ever having had an actual relationship (nothing over a few months apparently) or been in love, but I expect he has just been busy doing other things and is probably picky. Though the way he is treating me; all the wining and dining and taking things jolly slowly yet quite obviously liking me a lot, makes me wonder if he is preparing me as his first real girlfriend... After all if not then surely he would have invited me to stay over before now if he liked me, or even just chucked me if he didn't like me? Interesting and most promising!

The friend who got in touch after years and years of not seeing him I met up with last weekend. We had a brilliant lunch and I found him just as clever and interesting as I remembered. We have lots of books and so on in common and I had such a great time with him. He then messages a couple of days later saying he had very much enjoyed seeing me again and sort of asking me out... the implication was actual relationship ask out which I must admit to finding a bit full on. I also found it hard to reply to, but in the end sent a sweet message telling him it had been lovely seeing him too. Hoping to see him again soon, but although I really love chatting to him I don't find him attractive at all... But then as I have found with Mr Blonde feelings can develop the more one gets to know someone, so perhaps I will find him more attractive in time?

Slime and sea-monsters.

Things with Mr Blonde are going rather well, he is a jolly nice chap and am seeing him again sometime next week. Date numero 3 was a great success and he claims that he hadn't been in touch since out second date due to being really busy at work and so on which I do believe. It had of course occurred to me that he had just been busy dating other girls but he actually said he has gone completely off the whole online thing and that I was the only one he has met up with... I do find that a little odd, but then I myself am hugely bored of the whole thing and have stopped logging into my account so it does rather sound as if he is telling the truth. Anyway he was most amused by my tale of the bad date which only lasted 40 minutes and didn't chip in with any experiences of his own so I think he is telling the truth. I was also reminded of just how good looking he is and after date 3 found myself looking forward very much to seeing him again. The only issue with Mr Blonde, however, was that if our first kiss was anything to go by then he is not at all skilled...

But I was more than prepared to put the bad kiss down to chance, error, circumstance etc though when a chap shoves his tongue down your throat straight away on your very first kiss... oh so slimy! Well it just isn't quite what one would want or expect to happen! But kudos to him for enthusiasm and after all perhaps he just miscalculated as it was late and he maybe rushed into the kiss goodnight. Date number 4, however, revealed that sadly this is indeed what he thinks the perfect kiss entails... Oh gosh so much tongue, so slimy and wet and without really doing anything with it... I do wonder now if good kissing equates to being good in bed... but then Phd Boy really was a very nice kisser and he proved incredibly lacking in bed... But perhaps he will get better? One can at least hope and we really did have a lovely time. 

Mr Blonde improves upon acquaintance and it is so nice to be going out with someone with no irritating claustrophobic clingyness such as insisting you text them when you get home safely or wanting to see you 2 or 3 times a week or texting you like clockwork the morning after every date just to say they enjoyed it etc. Phd Boy did all of these things and they ended up really annoying me. I like that Mr Blonde is clearly viewing this whole thing as nice simple dating without imagining that we are quickly becoming a couple. Amusingly he also seems to be one of those boys that if in passing you comment on any other woman being pretty they seem to think you are a closet lesbian! In my case I made some innocent little remark about Marilyn Monroe being beautiful and you should have seen the eye-brows shoot up! I later tested this being commenting on a female friend of mine and something about incriminating drunken pictures from a night out and I could see from his smile he jumped to the conclusion we had hooked up in some way. I wonder if he will ever ask me?!

What I do not mind but find rather odd, however, is that he seems quite content to have our physical contact limited to one quite brief kiss goodnight... We have been out four times now, and two of them recently, and so far that is all that has happened or been attempted and I can't help wondering if he is happy with that or, frankly, what he gets out of it all. He pays for dinner and drinks (I do offer but he very sweetly always refuses) then because he has an early start every morning we say goodnight about 11pmish, he kisses me goodnight and that is it. There has been no move on his part to kiss me earlier on in the dates, no hand holding, no anything. I have in no way tried to evade such intimacy, in fact I would rather like to have some yummy make-out sessions with him (I still do hope his kissing will improve, though he does also have a little stubble which is clearly going to give me a rash if we kiss for long) and last night took us to a very dark and snug little bar where we could easily have made-out out of public view, and yet he hasn't. Totally possible he is just tired by the end of the night due to long days at work, but he doesn't seem to be the sort of chap who thinks gentlemanly conduct behoves him to wait until more dates have passed before attempting more bases. Most odd... but I expect that rather like dear Lancelot he probably does very little before suddenly inviting one back to his apartment and sleeping with you all in one move.

But really it does seem like the ideal set-up: no commitment, no hassle, lovely restaurants and wine bars, good looking chap and the promise of something more in the near future. The Blue Peter Chap on the other hand I have phased out. We had vague plans to meet last weekend and he said to get in touch nearer the time, I didn't and the wet drip never got in touch with me either. I liked him and found him quite good looking (though really very thin. I much prefer rugby player types to football player bodies and he was jolly bean-pole like) but although confident and articulate he seemed jolly shy about kissing me and I strongly suspect him to be a virgin. Not keen on sleeping with a virgin; all that boring fumbling around and having to be ever so patient and kind. If I liked him enough of course I would still be interested, but I am not.

Following date number 4 with Mr Blonde I then had a ghastly nightmare about Germanicus... I was in his flat, which was freaky, and we seemed to be giving our relationship another shot until we started bickering and I told him I was leaving. So at least I left...

Thankfully I have not run into the hot lecturer around campus but I do seem to be making more effort in terms of forcing myself out of bed to wash my hair before my early morning lectures, which I suspect shows that my sub-conscious is trying to prepare me for the surely inevitable run-in with him.

Poor old books (of the fictional sort anyway) are not getting much of a look in now I am back at Uni. But I am amusing myself with 'Sense and Sensibility and Sea monsters', my fourth (oh god my fourth!) Jilly Cooper novel and Shakespeare's Sonnets. Jolly cross that they have just released a new all singing all dancing kindle in the states which will be coming here soon and does everything, also that the UK has just released a new kindle which is cheaper than the one I got and does just as much... So typical! S and S and S is not nearly as good as 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies'... it feels much more pulled about and jarring. I only got it because it was cheaper than getting S and S proper and as I already have a book version of it it seemed to make sense at the time... That is the problem with the kindle; it is so very easy to buy books that you get lots you would never bother to purchase in real life. But I also found lots of Shakespeare's plays for free so that was a good save.

Gentlemen of differing sorts.

Well I am on a roll this evening - not only have I asked out Mr Blonde but I have also at long last accepted my handsome London friend Lancelot (he has always so some unknown reason reminded me of that brave knight) invitation to go and stay with him... Though calling Lancelot a friend is something of a stretch as we have only actually met once and that was years ago at a ball. He is very arrogant, jolly good looking and we have flirted in texts and on facebook a few times a year since then which would always end in his asking me to go and visit him in the great capital. And at long last I have accepted and practically invited myself...

Very scared of the whole thing for no apparent reason and that is why I have made myself say yes. I seem to be irrationally scared about disappointing him as he hasn't seen me for so very long and that he will meet me at the train station, take one look at me and groan inwardly as he realises he has no wish to sleep with me after all... Which now we are friends on facebook does seem unlikely even I must admit. Oh gosh he is so dishy (and nowadays not many men fit that delicious description, it being mostly reserved for old black and white movie stars).

Mr Blonde has not replied and so it does not look promising on that front, however, I have sent all my online admirers replies (well not all, only the ones I like the look of) and have accepted both offers of meetings involving beverages. Phd Boy has yet again been in touch and this time wants to meet up and have 'a hot beverage'... Jolly silly of him as I only agreed to be friends in order to be nice, and really what else could one say? Also had a spiffy and long chat on the phone to my darling friend who reminds me so strongly of Adrian Mole so on the whole it has been rather an active night on the gentleman front!

 Oh Mr Blonde, you don't realise how easily you are going to be supplanted!

Bloody men.

What is it that I want exactly? I go on about wanting to find a nice chap who I quite enjoy spending time with and who will treat me to dinner and then when that is what I find I am still disatisfied... Mr Blonde and I had a yummy meal and wine, he paid then I suggested an excellent cocktail bar, we had delicious cocktails, eventually cuddling up in a little private nook at my suggestion then come 11.20pm he said he had to go due to work and having to get up at 6.30am...

Okay I knew he got up early but sometimes isn't it worth staying up late?! We hadn't even kissed and I thought it was imminent. We didn't meet up until 8pm and after all the finding him online, waiting all week for a second date and then all the date prep I was not a little put off by his wanting to end the date so very early. I hadn't thought much about when we would say goodnight but I guess probably 1pm or 2pm was the hour I had in mind. 11.20pm seemed bloody early to me.

I was obviously surprised but tried to keep upbeat although only allowed him to kiss goodnight to my cheek. Remaining cheerful does have its limits.

But surely this is ideal? I do want to be taken out and have dinner and drinks paid for by a jolly nice chap and not feel any obligation to sleep with him... and yet perhaps because of Germanicus and his general lack of interest in sex and because of Phd Boy and his lack of capability I now rather want some sort of physical interest in me... Oh Mr Blonde what a sap you are and this sort of treatment of girls is clearly why you have ended up dating online for although you are quite prepared to pay for dinner et al you then show no real interest in the girl although you probably feel it...

Cute but Stupid.

Even though it is the summer holidays I haven't been reading nearly as much as I usually do. This morning I discovered why I have been so apathetic in my pursuit of literature... I had mixed up my contact lenses and for the past two months or so have been wearing the wrong prescription in each eye... My god for an intelligent girl I can be very stupid at times! In fact this trait of mine has been rather unhelpful where boys are concerned. When they first meet me they find a blonde and ditzy girl and they think brilliant, she is cute but stupid and get all eager. But the longer they spend talking to me the more they find out about my interests, opinions and passions and that first burst of excitement soon dies as they get all disappointed as they make the discovery that I have brains. A whole lot of men do not want or seek brains in a girlfriend, especially if they suspect she has more of them than they themselves do. As in the case of Phd Boy they find it intimidating and off-putting. Oh well we all have our burdens and being clever is rather a jolly one to possess!

Mr Blonde waited the usual two days then got in touch and we have our second date tomorrow night. We are going our for dinner and he asked me to pick the restaurant. A very tricky thing to decide as one never knows if the date is intending to pay or if the meal has to be at somewhere that is within the good old student budget. After some deliberation I plumped for a very nice but informal kind of place with an organic and cool vibe. The food and in particular the wine are frightfully good and so if we end up splitting it I won't be impressed but won't mind too much. Our second date is a whole week after our first which id really not ideal as one forgets all the things they have told you and feels nervous all over again. Also a nightmare trying to decide what to wear, and of course the only thing I really feel like wearing is the dress I wore on our first date which is the only outfit I can't wear... Why am I so nervous?! Actually nerves are probably a good thing as they show I like him.

On the other hand if it doesn't work out I have the consoling thought that I am proving rather a hit at the online dating lark and have had messages and winks galore in the last couple of days (I have found one gets most interest over the weekends as all the poor lonely hearts suddenly feel lonely as all their friends are cuddled up with their girlfriends).

So roll on tomorrow night and before then all I have to do is fit in a big gym session and paint my nails... Oh I do hope it goes well, I remember Mr Blonde as being awfully nice.

Missed connections.

I should be sitting in a lovely cafe having an interesting and enjoyable date with a new chap I met online, but instead I am sitting in my flat drinking a rather good Merlot and with a delectable slice of chocolate cake sitting most temptingly beside me. Things never do seem to go to plan but I am becoming adept at turning them into positives. In this I am strongly reminded of a very well written children's book I loved when younger called 'Back Home' by Michelle Magorian in which the main character Rusty, when faced with a sea of unfriendly girls at her new boarding school (I always did adore boarding school books), faces them with great strength and for every one that ignores or snubs her she declares in her jolly American twang that that simply brought the next friendly person nearer for one must wade through no's to yet a yes.

I rather think she was right and today for me was another in what will no doubt turn into a whole series of no answers.

I arranged to meet a chap discovered online for coffee but though I sat there for a good twenty minutes (reading a wonderful new P.G. Wodehouse the time actually flew by) he didn't show. I was rather miffed but then suddenly got a text from him declaring that he was now leaving having waited outside for half an hour... When I entered I do vaguely remember seeing a sandy haired chap smoking outside and checking his phone, but really he didn't seem to resemble the profile picture of my date and so I carried on into the coffee shop. I don't think he noticed me and he obviously didn't bother going inside and looking for me or he would have spotted me. For unlike him I carefully decided to go for a profile picture in which I look jolly nice but also like I do in real life, rather than selecting one of those wonderful shots where I look incredible but really only through some magic combination of the lighting and the angle of the picture.

Of course I did reply to his text and tell him that actually I had been inside the whole time, but frankly by that point I wasn't all that interested in him and he had left anyway. So I had a very nice time with my book and am now home to partake of the Sunday Times. I wasn't much taken by what I remember about the boy outside the coffee shop and with meeting people this way the pool is so very large that I have decided that as soon as one red warning light or any difficulty arrises then it is much easier just to chuck them and move onto the next one... And I have another date lined up for tomorrow which is rather comfort making.

The Phd Boy after sending me that ghastly long bitter message last weekend actually messaged me again hat evening. He obviously regretted sending it and was trying to claw back some lost ground. Once again I didn't respond and then a few days ago he texted asking to meet up and apologise in person. I agreed solely so that I could get a book I loaned him back and we had a very awkward (or at least he seemed very awkward and I was quite indifferent and amused by turns) coffee yesterday. I got my book back, he stiltedly apologised and I am afraid I couldn't help myself and laughed an awful lot as he did so, he just looked so discomfited about it all. For some reason I can't work out he wants to remain friends, I just said yes to make it easier but really I have no inclination to be in contact with him again. The poor sod said several times that he had messed everything with us up and bitch that I am and indifferent as I had become I didn't say anything to comfort or contradict him.

But tomorrow is another day and another date (or lets hope it is actually a date this time) beckons!

The rather bitter end.

Some people just don't take rejection well! Phd Boy got rather unpleasant when I ended things with him. Admittedly I did end it via a facebook message but due to him yet again reacting badly I think that was just as well. He did text me yesterday after the dreadful date and offer some half-hearted apologies but I ignored it as I really didn't know what to say since I had already decided not to see him again. I thought he might take the hint and was planning to wait a couple of days before properly ending things but I got another message from him last night and so this morning I sent him a short message saying I didn't want to see him anymore not because of what happened but because of his reaction to it which I had found both unpleasant and upsetting. I wasn't really expecting a reply but did think he might just message and say he had been expecting it or to offer and give me back a book I had lent him, but instead what I got was a ghastly long message filled with anger and bile.

He clearly feels dreadfully embarrassed about it all which wasn't helped by my unceremoniously chucking him straight afterwards and seems to be trying to redress the balance somewhat. He goes on a lot about our different opinions, but as I mentioned previously they really were not apparent when we spoke as he would always just agree with whatever I said. Poor sod he did try hard to make it sound as though we parted ways because he is very liberal in his views... He also complained that I had made him feel "decidedly stupid in the face of a mountain of classical authors" which I rather like as a turn of phrase. My talking about books really seems to have bothered him and in general I seem to have made him feel a bit dim and uncultured for he also moaned that he hadn't had the opportunity to talk about subjects he is well versed in. But that is plain silly as of course he could have done at any time, he simply didn't. He tried to claim that as we went to some good restaurants and to excellent old films that we both had good taste but that was just a lie: I chose everything that we did and all the places we ate, his contribution to the whole things was pretty lack-lustre and unconfident.

He was unintentionally very amusing when describing what happened the other night as he criticised me for kicking him out of bed in the end and only allowing him to kiss my cheek when he said goodnight. By the end of the message he seems to have convinced himself that we split up because we are rather different which really is quite funny considering how very keen he was and how well he seemed to think it was all going until the other night. At least he does finish by saying he thought me very sweet and jolly attractive and for again apologising for his behaviour so that was nice but considering the tone of the whole thing I would much rather he hadn't bothered to send it at all, some of it was borderline insulting as he tried to claw back some dignity and he did insult the wonderful classics.

It just goes to show that if you get a red warning flash in a relationship then it is best just to bail out and not wait for another one to happen. The bad date was warning one and just in case I needed another then that message is certainly a second. Goodbye Phd Boy and I have already set up at least one new date from my online questing!

Oh Cassandra why didn't I listen?

I really should have paid more attention when a friend of mine recently commented on the male lack of performance after alcohol... in a way she was quite the Cassandra about it all.

Last night we had what seemed to be a very promising time: full of yummy thai take-away, making out on the couch watching films and lots of good wine. I was a little nervous as I have been single for over a year but had decided wine was the best way to go as far as lowering my inhibitions and helping things to flow along. As the evening progressed I felt terrific and very positive about sleeping with Phd Boy and so when we ended up in bed I was happy and expecting a lot of fun. However, when the crucial moment arrived he had to shame-facedly tell me that it was a no go as a result of his wine consumption.

I was very disappointed but tried not to let it show and just told him it didn't matter etc etc. I didn't see why we shouldn't stay in bed and hope that in short he might feel more like it. Unfortunately this was not to be the case, try as I might, and he ended up rather cross with himself and in general. I was not impressed and ended up asking him as nicely as I could not to spend the night, I really saw no point in him staying as things did not look as though they change and I am not keen on morning sex with new boyfriends.

I can't give this away! I am attractive, slim, pretty, work out and take care over my appearance generally but I don't get asked out, then when I do eventually start to date someone after over a year being single he can't perform! I also have been left with not so much love bites as a neck so purple and red it looks as though I have been attacked... and will need to leave for work shortly having coated it in as much concealer as I can stand.

I do not want to see him again. Had he reacted better last night I would still have been disappointed but would have been more than happy to see him again as these things do sometimes happen. But not only did he get jolly cross at the situation and at one point actually jump out of bed in a temper and storm off saying he was leaving but he did nothing to make it not a totally wasted trip to bed for me... which frankly is just bad manners, particularly in these more enlightened times!

On the positive side I suppose I can now return to the murky waters of internet dating once again... and still have 5 months of my match.com subscription left and won't ever have to persuade Phd Boy to have his back waxes. Oh god... what new hell will I discover next?

Set fair.

Well I have been dating Phd Boy for 3 weeks now and have been on 6 or so dates in that time and so far all is going rather well. He is a very nice boy and we really do have a good time together. He is intelligent and interested in things, has a good social life and is definitely attractive. Clearly likes me a lot and is eager to see me and is interested in going to museums as well as going out to bars. Then comes the big but...

Why on earth is there a but one might ask, when he sounds utterly lovely?

But there sadly is one. I am not entirely sure what it is but it certainly has something to do with the following: my over-thinking everything, our not yet having slept together, his being so keen on me that I can get him to agree with me on pretty much every subject, his exceptionally hairy back, my constantly comparing him in my head to my ex Germanicus and the fact he doesn't read fiction.

To be fair most of these are fixable by me: I must just relax and stop over-thinking the whole thing, we will soon sleep together I am sure so I should stop obsessing as to when that will happen and comparing him to my ex is not entirely a bad thing but I should try and stop doing it so often.

Of the other three: I would dearly love him to get his back waxed... but I do realise I really can't ask him to do that yet, I will just hope that I can tempt him with the idea in the not too distant future. It really is terribly hairy though and I must admit I do find it very off putting... But he offered (and was immediately accepted I might add) to shave his beard off after only two dates when I mentioned something about preferring the clean shaven look so he might well be prepared to do this at some point. His ready agreement and willingness to fit in with whatever I want is actually in many ways a good thing, though long-term I see it could be jolly annoying. But right now it means that we see the films I want to watch, go to the places I like and generally do lots of me type things. In telling my mother about some of our dates she noticed this immediately and accused me of forcing my tastes on him, but truly I suggest and he always just agrees. It also amuses me to bring up particular opinions to test whether he will very quickly change his own and agree with me though which I must be careful about. I recently championed fox-hunting just to gauge his reaction and although he started off not agreeing with me he very soon changed sides! I would actually love it if he could come up with opinions, likes and places to go that are different from mine, however, as I believe that one of the lovely things about new relationships or even friendships is being exposed to new experiences. Currently it is only he who is having his horizons expanded.

As for the last big but: his failure to read fiction. Well he started to read fiction what sounded like as soon as our first date had finished! I had of course mentioned authors and books and he seemed to go straight to Waterstones. I must admit to being rather pleased about this, and at the very least I have encouraged someone to read more.

Since our first date I have actually given up the world of internet dating... I really do like him and don't like to date more than one person at the same time. I must admit I have also lied to absolutely everyone about how I met Phd Boy, I tell everyone we met in a coffee shop... Also got him to agree to stick to the party line over this! Very silly to mind but I while I am prepared to internet date I greatly prefer for people not to know.

So he is a lovely boy who I like to spend time with and who really doesn't have any actual flaws... perhaps it is simply that I don't feel a spark? Whatever the flaws of the ex, and he had many indeed, I was nuts about him right from the beginning. But maybe sparks can develop as people spend time together? I really do like him and if I can just stop myself from thinking the whole thing to death I think we could have a very nice time together indeed.

Date No.1.

The date with Phd boy last night went incredibly well! He was jolly handsome, much better looking than his pictures online, and rather nicely dressed. It amy sound silly to be so pleased that he dressed well but my ex was a dreadful dresser who was incapable of dressing for different situations but would wear the same brightly coloured chinos for a casual lunch and also for a formal opera or party... where as lovely phd boy looked smashing and just right for the occasion in his preppy but casual jeans and pale blue shirt. He really is good looking, yummy tanned skin with dark short hair and a lean but strong looking body.

We met for drinks and although I had arranged to meet my flatmate for dinner afterwards I ended up calling her from the loo and buying an extra hour to spend with him. We had lots to talk about, there were no horrid awkward pauses and he is jolly interesting. He can be a little long winded in some of his explanations but it is entirely possible that he was nervous and that caused this.

I was a little nervous before seeing him but he was waiting outside the wine bar for me which I thought very nice indeed, and was instantly recognisable from his photos. I had such a good time that I have been talking about him to various friends since! My flatmate of course heard all about him last night then my friends at work this afternoon. While I was having lunch with a friend we were discussing whither or not I should text him or if I should wait for him to do so, I was starting to wonder and wait for him to be in touch. Mostly because I am going away for a a few days on Saturday and rather wanted to see him tomorrow night before leaving.

I had no sooner finished lunch when he got in touch. Such a sweet message and we are now meeting up tomorrow night for date 2! Thrilled! Is it possible to meet the right boy on attempt number one?

The rocky road to love.

I have now been officially single for one whole year. After celebrating with lots of yummy faux champagne (I am but a poor student and unable to afford the good stuff) I thought back over the last year. I realised that I have successfully become a singleton like Bridget Jones and am now very content to spend time by myself reading books and eating chocolate with a trusty glass of red wine by by side, I am even perfectly happy to go to the theatre and on trips by myself when no friends are available. This is all excellent stuff but I would now definitely like to start dating again.

In the last year I have only been on a handful of dates, something had to change and I realised that I could make resolution after resolution about being ready to date again and about seeking dates, but really that nothing whatsoever was happening. In the end I decided to dip my toe into the murky waters of internet dating.

Although feeling much too young and normal to consider such an alarming idea and being horrified about the thought of having to put a picture of myself on my profile last weekend I just went for it. So far in a mere matter of days I have had more interest than in the whole of the past year and tonight I have my first date through the medium of internet dating. Strangely enough I am not the least bit nervous... perhaps because I am so aware that if it doesn't go well then there seem to be lots of other men on the website all eager to take me out for drinks and so really I can just relax and be myself. It also probably helps that he doesn't know my real name, it just makes me feel more in control of the situation.

I am meeting him for drinks this evening and have organised to meet my flatmate a couple of hours later for dinner so that if it is dreadful I can leave easily and have someone to talk it over with (though needless to say I have not admitted to her or anyone else how I met the man in the first place) and if it goes well I can always see him again.

He sounds rather nice: he is doing a phd and seems to appreciate literature. Sounds perfectly nice in his messages and looks pretty good in his photographs.

The online dating thing is actually rather good fun and it takes up a surprising amount of one's time. You need to send a great many messages back and forth to lots of men until you work out which ones you favour, some start off well on their profile but then descend into dullness or you find out they didn't go to university (my major turn off).

So date number one... I do wonder what it will be like...