Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Set fair.

Well I have been dating Phd Boy for 3 weeks now and have been on 6 or so dates in that time and so far all is going rather well. He is a very nice boy and we really do have a good time together. He is intelligent and interested in things, has a good social life and is definitely attractive. Clearly likes me a lot and is eager to see me and is interested in going to museums as well as going out to bars. Then comes the big but...

Why on earth is there a but one might ask, when he sounds utterly lovely?

But there sadly is one. I am not entirely sure what it is but it certainly has something to do with the following: my over-thinking everything, our not yet having slept together, his being so keen on me that I can get him to agree with me on pretty much every subject, his exceptionally hairy back, my constantly comparing him in my head to my ex Germanicus and the fact he doesn't read fiction.

To be fair most of these are fixable by me: I must just relax and stop over-thinking the whole thing, we will soon sleep together I am sure so I should stop obsessing as to when that will happen and comparing him to my ex is not entirely a bad thing but I should try and stop doing it so often.

Of the other three: I would dearly love him to get his back waxed... but I do realise I really can't ask him to do that yet, I will just hope that I can tempt him with the idea in the not too distant future. It really is terribly hairy though and I must admit I do find it very off putting... But he offered (and was immediately accepted I might add) to shave his beard off after only two dates when I mentioned something about preferring the clean shaven look so he might well be prepared to do this at some point. His ready agreement and willingness to fit in with whatever I want is actually in many ways a good thing, though long-term I see it could be jolly annoying. But right now it means that we see the films I want to watch, go to the places I like and generally do lots of me type things. In telling my mother about some of our dates she noticed this immediately and accused me of forcing my tastes on him, but truly I suggest and he always just agrees. It also amuses me to bring up particular opinions to test whether he will very quickly change his own and agree with me though which I must be careful about. I recently championed fox-hunting just to gauge his reaction and although he started off not agreeing with me he very soon changed sides! I would actually love it if he could come up with opinions, likes and places to go that are different from mine, however, as I believe that one of the lovely things about new relationships or even friendships is being exposed to new experiences. Currently it is only he who is having his horizons expanded.

As for the last big but: his failure to read fiction. Well he started to read fiction what sounded like as soon as our first date had finished! I had of course mentioned authors and books and he seemed to go straight to Waterstones. I must admit to being rather pleased about this, and at the very least I have encouraged someone to read more.

Since our first date I have actually given up the world of internet dating... I really do like him and don't like to date more than one person at the same time. I must admit I have also lied to absolutely everyone about how I met Phd Boy, I tell everyone we met in a coffee shop... Also got him to agree to stick to the party line over this! Very silly to mind but I while I am prepared to internet date I greatly prefer for people not to know.

So he is a lovely boy who I like to spend time with and who really doesn't have any actual flaws... perhaps it is simply that I don't feel a spark? Whatever the flaws of the ex, and he had many indeed, I was nuts about him right from the beginning. But maybe sparks can develop as people spend time together? I really do like him and if I can just stop myself from thinking the whole thing to death I think we could have a very nice time together indeed.

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