On the eve of a new university term one takes stock, looks back at what has been and looks forward to what is just around the corner. This being a fresh beginning and a new start I am determined now to finally and completely put the ghost of Germanicus behind me. I still find my thought drifting to him and am making excellent efforts to cease such silly and weak behaviour. I must let the past be behind me absolutely.
I was helped in these commendable efforts by bumping into him quite by chance a few months ago. We spoke for ten minutes or so as we walked in the same direction and then said our goodbyes. I looked rather good (not my very best but thankfully I wasn't caught out at the corner shop on one of those mornings when I haven't yet washed my hair or taken my glasses off for contacts) and I was cheerful and polite but distinctly distant. He was quite nervous I thought as we started to talk, and for a while I could see the cogs in his heading turning over and over as he tried to make up his mind as to if I would have heard of his new girlfriend and indeed if he should mention her. He didn't, of which I was glad, as really what could I have replied to such a comment? I was careful to be very non-commital to his suggestions to meet up and even commented on finding out where he tended to lunch during the week that I was glad I knew, implying so I could avoid him (I know this sounds a bit rude but he is very difficult to strick a point home to and I would rather seem a bit rude and make him know I don't want to see him). It actually went very well for me: I looked nice and was very cheerful and enthusiastic about all the things going on in my life and was nice and polite about his life. My knees did shake a whole lot afterwards but I was on my way to a lecture so a lovely friend let me talk on and on about it and gave me a hug. By the time the lecture was over I felt miles better and like a weight had been lifted.
I am very glad we have now done the first meeting. It has helped a lot for he was a stranger to me, not the Germanicus of my memories, but a new and a different person. But I have no desire or wish to see to see him again. And really since it took over a year for me to bump into him I don't think there is much danger of that. Other than that one occasion I did once see his car driving past (I didn't see him in it) while on my to a party and it really threw me and made me all weird. My friends actually had to rally round and calm me down when I arrived, but I soon recovered on that occasion and now have no fears on such a score as the first meeting is over and I acquited myself very well indeed. In fact if there was a winner (and lets face it there always is) then it was I. I think all this time I had been worried about running into him, but now I have, it was okay and it is all over and the first meeting can never occur again.
So onwards brave knight to the next conquest. Actually I have a date tomorrow night with Mr Blonde, but more of that another time.
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