Rather too lilac.

Bridget Jones used to spend all day, or even several days, doing the all important pre-date prep. I must admit admit to following a similar pattern. Today will be filled with a gym visit, nail painting, exfoliating, hair treatments, leg shaving, hair styling, powdering my face and applying my lucky lipstick. All that effort to achieve a look that seems natural yet styled and belies all the hours of effort.

While the rain pours down outside I sit here at my computer waiting for my nails to dry (brand new nail varnish not a great success... it looks a very exciting shade of pale lilac in the bottle but is rather too pale and thick in real life, in future will reserve it for painting stripes or dots onto other colour bases I think, or perhaps for using with 60s themes outfits for parties) watching endless episodes of things on iplayer (very much enjoying Celebrity Apprentice and have rather a crush on the ghastly and cheating Piers Morgan). I am actually rather nervous about tonight... waiting a whole week for a second date is not a winning plan as one forgets all the things they told you on the first date and so I always confuse the things they have said to me with those of other people, particularly since I am messaging about seven different men on Match.com, and then the men seem hurt I have forgotten what they told me previously. Gosh what do I remember about Mr Blonde? He likes skiing... and that is about the sum total...

Not meeting him until 8pm tonight which I do find ever so slightly trying. I am not a late eater, I like to eat at the proper hour of 7pm or half past at a push but having to be nervous all day and then not eat until 8pm at night... Oh well can't be helped, but on the plus side it is because of his working hours so if we do end up in a relationship then at least I won't have to spend long evenings with him but can do my own thing until 8pm every night! Still convinced that boyfriends take up rather an excessive amount of one's time and am planning to be jolly strict and limit access when I get on, or perhaps just enjoy them and them split up as soon as my uni exams start to loom to give myself amply procrastination/revision time.

Immersed in the wonderful world of P.G. Wodehouse once more. One of the things I am most thankful for is that he wrote so very many books as I am still discovering more I need to read after many years as a fan. 'Hot Water' is my current and I am having a tremendous time with it. Such jolly happy books, they always leave a smile on my face and often make my snigger while reading them. I would rather like to be a heroine in  Wodehouse book, the men are always so honest about their love for and admiration of the women they fall for that I think it would be blissful. Added to which most of the heros are lovely Lords so that would be awfully nice as well.

Out last night with a good friend and discussing dating as one does she revealed that when dating her ex she was never the least but nervous before dates, even the first one, and didn't go to great lengths about date prep or thinking of outfits etc. But we ended up agreeing that this was because she had not been terribly fussed about him in general, and it seems only really went out with him from a sense of why not since he has asked me. Sad but there we have it and not unlike the way I felt about Phd Boy. We now both have a similar problem which stems from this in that both her ex and Phd Boy are still getting in touch with us and wanting to meet up... We neither of us were much interested in them but it was nice to date someone and so we went along for the ride, were sweet and nice and pretended to share their interests etc, and then when we both ended things the boys seem to have been left thinking that all was going so well until suddenly it wasn't. In Phd Boy's case he obviously thinks his big screw up ended what was a very promising relationship and so keeps getting in touch and trying to patch things over. But really if I had liked him more what occured would not have mattered and wouldn't have led to a split. Alas the perils of putting on a dating face and only presenting one's best side for they are actually left not truly knowing one and so think one is so much nicer and better than one really is. But then does one truly get to know them as surely we all put on our best outward appearance? But this at least means my nerves are good as if like my friend I wasn't then it would show I wasn't terribly interested in Mr Blonde where as my nerves are shouting out that I am!

But the nerves are also there because meeting in this way means that both of you are actively looking to date and for a relationship, and are so desperate for one that you have gone through the normal ways of doing it and ended up online and paid for the priviledge. So it follows that if your date then doesn't want to see you again there can be no excuse along the lines of they are not ready for a relationship or are too busy etc, but that they just didn't like you... This certainly adds to the pressure, sadly deep down though a self-assured and confident girl I do want to be liked.

Meanwhile the boring chap never did get back in touch and I have several chaps messaging, winking etc online at me. It really is a very long process... I was jolly surprised at just how long it takes before one of them asks to meet you in person but the average seems to be at least eight messages. A wink or at least some profile viewing goes before this and all the while you are weeding out the ones you don't like the sound/look of... It does get tedious, especially as one can usually tell within the first message and profile view whether one is interested... Which does seem to imply it is mostly based on looks which is slightly sad...

Bridget Jones 3 and a Secret History.

Apparently the rumours are true and Helen Fielding is indeed writing Bridget Jones 3. I feel this is a huge mistake as dear old Bridget and her hapless guide to life epitomised the gloriously new days of singleton back in the 1990s and trying to drag her into the year 2011 and turn her into a yummy mummy (oh the horror!) scream out cash cow rather than literary endeavor.

Still at least Bridget has at least passing luck with men, I am still delightfully single though horribly and overwhelmingly in love with one of my lecturers... he is rather dishy and although ironically not a very good lecturer I do adore him. I am sure he has barely noticed me beyond very nicely answering all my questions, but then again who knows... Not entirely a desert on the man hunt as did have a jolly lovely time with a beautifully blonde boy at a party last week, most yummy and from Denmark I believe. Also been asked away by an old love interest to spend the weekend with him, but not so sure how I will reply to him. The idea of a fun weekend is most appealing but am not personally a great fan of one-night stands.

Busy with uni stuff recently but have just read the almost excellent 'Secret History' by the very badly named Donna Tart and the disappointing 'Never Let Me Go' by Kazuo Ishiguro which has just been made into a film starring Keira Knightley and Carey Mulligan. The latter was shortlisted for the Man Booker prize several years ago and I had heard terrific things about it, but I found it to be written in such a plodding dull way that although the central idea was most interesting I found it quite hard to stop myself skipping chunks of it. While the characters were all irritating, especially the narrator who seemed far too nice and forgiving of everyone else to be real. I suspect I found it so tedious largely due to having read a review of the film which gave away pretty much the whole plot. Roger Ebert is a fine film reviewer (in fact I think him the very best) but he did spoil this book for me.

On the other hand I got totally engrossed by 'Secret History'. It is about a group of elite students at a prestigious university who are all linked by a dark secret. That description makes it sound a bit slushy but it is very well written and the characters are all amazingly realistic and wonderfully flawed because of it. The students are all studying classics as am I and so I particularly loved all the little classical references and quotations in ancient greek.

Not sure what to begin next... I think perhaps 'The Chrysalids' by John Wyndham. 'Never Let Me Go' was likened to it by one of the reviewers and I can only hope that Wyndham made a better job of it!

The Bridget Jones guide to life.

After the big emotional event last week I cried until my body was physically incapable of expressing another drop of liquid. I then picked myself up, shook myself down and told myself that I hated him and he wasn't worth it. My friends and family have been just wonderful: very supportive and kind but in a no nonsense non-indulgent way. I had a long talk with my mother the morning after, then went to my one lecture of the day where my lovely lecture buddy could see I was upset and so gave me a great big hug, followed by lunch with my affair-with-married-man friend then I got take-out with my flatmate who canceled plans with her boyfriend in order to spend time with me. I cried in front of all of them all and by the next day felt ready to stop crying in public.

Since the event I have stopped going to the gym (I was doing wonderfully and was a committed gym buddy, going almost every day up until that point) and am comfort eating to a delicious degree. Good old Bridget Jones would have heartily approved! I am keeping very busy indeed and eating exactly what, and as much of it, as I feel like. Oh gosh it is so much fun to eat kettle crisps every day and have too much yummy cheese with every meal! Not totally going down the alcohol root as I am in the middle of essay season and can't write when drunk or badly hungover, but I am indulging in yummy glasses of wine with meals and the odd bottle of organic cider. Bridget Jones knew what she was on about, it makes one feel so much happier for one just focuses on the food side to life which never disappoints if one eats whatever one wants!

I know it will have to end soon and I will no doubt be back at the gym pounding away before long but in the meantime I am completely letting rip and all sense of proportion or portion size has gone out of the window and I am loving it.

I do hate him now. He never deserved me and had a lot of faults. I am better off without him and will soon be able to say that and really truly mean it.

Life is good, happy and very busy, and I am vaguely on the look out for a lovely new man.