In Pursuit of Love.

Like Lydia of "In Pursuit of Love' I feel I have entered the cold years at home during which all I can do is play endless games of cards and greedily watch the minutes tick by on the clock. But I need to realise that that is far from being the case. I am perfectly able to find a wonderful man, I just need to look.

Still having a very yummy and fat making time following my Bridget Jones diet and as I have essay deadlines it shows no signs of stopping yet, though I really should try going back to the gym...

The boring Tory chap I went on that one date but not a date with is having his birthday party on Saturday night and I have decided that I absolutely must attend. I predict lots of men to meet! Plus they are jolly likely to be nice conservatives which is even better. While it would not bother me in the least to date a non-tory, it does at least show you from first meeting that you might have things in common and I find it a useful starting point. The now much hated ex was one when we first met (he later defected which just shows how spineless he is).

Had a very long chat with my friend about her situation with her married man last night. Although I don't think she can possible know she wants to be in a relationship with him based on only a few hours one day a week and a few snatched nights together she is sure she is in love with him. It makes it impossible for me to judge her (on that issue, I might add I do not think it right to continue with her boyfriend while she is in love with someone else) and just makes me feel sad that she is so sure and yet can't have him. The married chap is very good looking, much older and seems intelligent and nice enough, but he is cheating on his wife and has no intention of leaving her. He tells my friend often that he loves her but can't leave his wife, but refuses to break all connection with my friend. I think he is treating her very badly and that she is allowing him to do so based on her belief that she loves him.

I feel shameful about the following confession but it is the truth: I am jealous of her situation even though it involves pain because it also involves love and because she has the love of not one man but two. She has both devoted boyfriend and her affair. She is cheating on her loving boyfriend (technically he has not told her he loves her but it is very obvious) but admits to feeling no guilt over it. Oh it is petty of me and I am aware that I am also jealous of her having two men and me none, but I still think she is behaving badly to the boyfriend and just on a moral base level I don't like it and don't belief (although who can ever say for certain) that I would ever do that to someone. It is bad enough to have an affair with a married man but to do so while also cheating on your boyfriend is just being greedy!