Monday, 17 October 2011

To date or not to date.

The one big advantage to online dating is that everyone is there for the same thing: we are all looking for people to go on dates with and hopefully find one among them to form a relationship with. There is no beating about the bush, no need for those awkward moments when you are wondering if you are indeed on a date with them or if they just want to hang out with you as a friend, and best of all no need to discuss if you are on a date or not as you are both well aware that you are. In real life dating things are less clear and although personally I have no problems with assuming I am on a date, remaining calm and waiting to see if they will get in touch with me or not to take me out again. Simple!

Not so simple for other people as it turns out... After the shock of hearing about Germanicus' new relationship I took lots of deep breaths and decided to just get on with things and not dwell on it. The best way to keep my mind off it would of course be to get a boyfriend of my own, or at least have some jolly fun dating instead, so I texted the blast from the past boy and we arranged to do lunch yesterday. Now I assumed this was a date. Totally easy: nice meal, lots of wine, he very sweetly insisted on paying: it was clearly a date. Why he felt the need to question this simple logic is beyond me!

We had a very nice time, he is so easy and fun to chat to. Really very clever, well informed and interesting. I even found that although I still didn't find him hugely attractive, the more I got to know him the more I liked him. It turned into one of those very long lunches that go on until the early evening until you are both pretty sozzled after all the wine. I then left to get my bus and he gave me the briefest of kisses goodbye. All jolly good and we left it that we would do dinner again soon.

Then today I get the cringyest, most spine churningly awful text message from him trying to ascertain if we are now dating... It was dreadful and so horribly off putting! He did try a couple of times yesterday to ask me if we were on a date and from some throwaway remarks certainly implied we were. Well I was happy to go along with the latter and simply changed the subject when the former came up: hate that sort of embarrassing discussion and really I thought it most premature. What is wrong with just going on a couple of dates without having to have a relationship talk? I felt there was absolutely no need for it and wished to avoid it at all costs.

I like men to be confident and assertive, there is nothing more attractive than confidence. If he wanted to date me he should just have asked me out again, a cosy romantic dinner or something along those lines, and kissed me. Easy! Instead I get a message asking if I would like to on another date unless he has scared me away (which I don't understand actually... he hadn't done anything to put me off until his text message), then asked if these were indeed dates... Ghastly. Though I think I am biased anyway as he uses text language with lots of 2 instead of to and so on... I think I just find it all so awkward, fumbly and clumsy which makes me feel so uncomfortable and vaguely embarrassed about it all. Why why why did he feel the need to make things all awkward and uncomfortable by making things all serious and locked in?

Oh I know I am being much too harsh on him: he is a nice boy and is only asking me if I would like to date him... But a certain slickness and confidence would have been so much appreciated. Plus in a text message, really? Is that the right forum for such a question?! But it is my own fault for I suspect I am only so displeased about it all because it means I actually have to commit myself to dating him or plain out say no, rather than being left with a very pleasing get out clause because I hadn't ever actually confirmed we were going on dates... and I don't think I like him enough to commit, even to dating. Also he is nice and I don't want to hurt his feelings by going on a couple more dates before I chuck him... which I almost certainly would. Interesting and intelligent but just not attractive.

I recently realised I still have some old videos I once took of Germanicus on my ipod and seem to be unable to work out how to delete them... they are now taunting me. I should also stop facebook stalking his new girlfriend and being freaked out by how similar we look...

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