Saturday, 27 August 2011

The Lady of Shalott?

I really must start getting used to dealing with my re-date nerves as with my luck I have years and years of first dates ahead of me over the years as I search valiantly for 'the one'. Today I have my first date with a chap found online. He is slightly younger than me which I am not keen on, but at least has finished uni and does something financial. Strangely almost all the men searching for love online seem to work with computers or in finance... perhaps there is a dearth of women in those fields? Anyway he seems jolly nice, looks cute in his pictures and reads books so we shall see how it goes. Meeting in a rather cool little cafe which also serves wine so depending on how nervous I turn out to be I might go for the yummy grape option rather than the coffee.

Lancelot has accepted my invitation to stay with him and I am going to visit a week tomorrow and spend the night at his flat. I do rather wonder what he intends to happen and perhaps should have found out if he actually does have a spare room? He is so handsome I feel jolly intimidated and so have started a punishing gym and healthy eating regime... or rather I was doing awfully well with it all this week until I woke up this morning sleepy and with a hangover so am relaxing it again until Monday! I feel so in awe of his beauty that I even considered doing that strange Beyonce diet whereby you eat nothing for a week except this strange concoction of lemon, cayenne pepper and something else all mixed together... Well let us see how I feel on Monday about my figure. I hate the idea of fasting and the health aspects of it but I do want to feel thin and pretty for Lancelot (I am quite aware of how pathetic that sounds!).

Mr Blonde claimed to be under the misapprehension that I was busy this week when I asked him out, he also claimed to be very busy himself and so unable to fit me in. I think he is not terribly interested and just didn't want to say he didn't want to see me again. I would have liked to see him again but feel no great loss.

Had a ghastly nightmare last night that Germanicus and I got back together and then got married... it was so vivid that I have been unable to shake off the horrible feelings it roused and feel most disturbed about it all. I have recently been feeling very sad about things with him, and I did unblock him on facebook (though have not added him as a friend). I know I should be very careful and not let myself get into contact with him again because I would only end up getting hurt and back where I was a year ago... But gosh I did love him and I do miss him still. Whenever I am walking about the city I do regularly wonder if I will bump into him or see him with another girl, but I never have.

I do hope my date goes well this afternoon but I am not overly fussed I must say. Plus I have another first date lined up for next week and three other men still on the go with the whole messaging thing so things are pretty rosy. Plus in huge news I have just bought a Kindle! I am ridiculously excited about it and have spent all morning stuffing it full of wonderful books. Older books are free to download so I m amassing quite a wonderful collection. The first book I intend to read on my darling new companion is Anthony Trollope's 'The American Senator'. I heard some of the first episode when it was serialised recently on Radio 4 and adored it. Very much looking forward to starting it later, the heroine reminded me very much of Becky Sharp from my favourite 'Vanity Fair.

Perhaps I will spend my whole life searching for love only to discover that it was right under my nose the whole time: my books. Or it could be that my life is the search for love and that once found the curse will come upon me like the lady of Shalott?

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