Thursday, 30 September 2010


The Tory chap I went on the rubbish date with over a week ago called me last night, I ignored the call. I saw no point in answering it as I don't want to start dating him and answering the phone would probably have led to him asking me to sort of event or to meet up with him and when confronted like that over the phone I am not always able to think up a good excuse not to, emails and texts are much easier as one can think about the reply first. Having him call did make me realise that I had given no thought to him since our date of over a week before, which threw into sharp contrast my frequent thoughts about Germanicus and his lack of contact.

We last met two weeks ago today and since then we have facebooked a couple of times and texted several times, although no contact at all since the weekend. I would really like him to get in touch and suggest we meet up as I have promised myself that I will not be one to suggest meeting up again. I suggested all of our previous meetings bar the first one (probably about 6 or 7 in all) and so it seems important for it to be him the next time. Sadly I will probably have a long time to wait! I have been jolly busy myself recently what with being back at uni and out with friends, but I do still find I have a lot more free time than I used to. I am filling this gap by working more and going to the gym. I only discovered going to the gym last year and now adore it!

In fact not only have I been the one arranging us meeting up but I even engineered my sleeping over at his flat a few weeks ago which I have previously failed to admit to anyone, even to this blog. It was a Saturday night and my flatmate was out of town, after going to see 'Tamara Drewe' at the cinema (which I enjoyed very much even though they mucked up the ending) I walked back to my flat and after stuffing some crucial overnight items in my bag I called G and pretended that I had locked my keys in my flat and that as my flatmate was away I was stuck... He was lovely and offered me his spare bed which I happily accepted. I went over to his flat where we stayed up stupidly late watching Star Trek and having a lovely time chatting. Nothing at all inappropriate happened but in the morning we did indulge in some fleeting cuddling in his bed before I left. I had really wanted to spend time with him and was also lonely in an unrelated to him fashion. It was really comforting to see him and to be in his flat again was nice. I had spent a huge amount of time there while we were together and it was so cosy to be there with him again. He didn't suspect that I was fibbing and even when mentioning the fact I stayed over to a few friends I also lied to them and pretended I really had lost my keys. I was also inspired to act out my little scheme because I knew that once uni started up again I would be busy and less desperate to see him and so allowed myself to indulge my wish to spend time with him as I anticipated that this wish would die down.

That wish has lessened. I still think about him an awful lot but not in the desperate way I felt before. I am now able to think of him a lot without mentioning his name constantly to others, without getting in touch with him for days on end and without feeling angry and hurt that he has not been in touch with me. I am learning to accept that perhaps he didn't feel as passionately about me as I did about him and that while I have had to work through lots of things since we split up he has found the adjustment to a single life much easier.

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