Changes.

Thinking a lot about the way in which a relationship can develop from love to friendship and vice versa. The ex and I might be classified as friends now, and he certainly used that term to describe us the first time we met up after splitting. I would like to be his friend if we aren't going to get back together, he is lovely and sweet and so nice and I love having him in my life. On that theme I spent this morning re-reading 'Anne of the Island' in which Anne Shirley finally realises she and Gilbert are meant for each other. I adored the Anne books when I was younger and this one became the most re-read for some reason. Not really sure why as it is not the best, but perhaps it is because Anne is still young and lovely rather than immature and silly (which becomes rather a pain to re-read when one is older) and is still not yet sold down the river to motherhood. Commenting in my last entry about poor old Natasha getting a raw deal at the end of 'War and Peace' reminded me very much at the time of Anne Shirley. She was terrificly wonderful, popular, intelligent and had aspirations to write books, but she hankered after Gilbert Blythe and as soon as that wedding ring was on her finger she became boring and dull, had no career or life of her own and started to pop out lots of children. Said children she didn't even really bring up but had a full time nanny and indeed in the later books Anne is only a shadowy sort of figure in her children's lives. I hate this about old fashioned books: we want our heroine to marry the hero but after the bells have finished pealing I for one would like them to remain intelligent and interesting and not just some sort of facet of their husband and am empty vessel about the home.

Anyway I think my original point was that relationships can alter and become something quite different. The ex and I were not friends before we got together but I really hope we can become friends now. It is best that I get myself used to this idea in fact as I don't think we are going to be anything else and I want above all for him to remain in my life. Let us go with the notion of friendship. About time I moved on properly, it has been over two months now, but the summer vacation is so horribly long that I think I will allow myself these additional two weeks until term starts again before I make myself pursue other options and other men. I am also already sick of referring to him as me ex, I don't like that term and so I have decided to give him a name out of one of my favourite books (and of course of the real list historical figure) and so I have gone with Germanicus, out of 'I, Claudius'.