Saturday, 17 September 2011

Friends with benefits.

Mr Blonde has been back in touch and we are meeting later in the week, the Blue Peter Chap is rather boring me now after three dates and still no kiss goodnight... but I think I will give him another shot as well. While Lancelot and I have been involved in witty and amusing texting amid further pleas for me to go and visit him again in the near future. I adore him and even though I consider him quite unsuitable as a boyfriend my imagination has rather been running away with me and I keep having visions of us in five years time suddenly realising we are made for each other and getting married... Probably should stop myself from that kind of thinking before it gets out of hand. But as I consider him not to be boyfriend material (not only because I think he would cheat but also because he lives too far away) I have been wondering about the friends with benefits idea. Lots of dirty weekends could be very good fun and surely if I knew that was all it was from the outset I wouldn't get hurt? Thinking along those lines I stumbled across the following, however, and am now convinced that this has been his plan from the beginning.

The article sets out all the ways a man can lead a girl into such a relationship and I have to admit Lancelot as pretty much done them all to perfection!

Don't go on dates: He was very clear we were not on a date and indeed told me so at least twice in case I mistakenly thought we were.

Treat her like a friend: Lancelot certainly did this. There was lots of teasing and general banter back and forth, he didn't compliment me (well he did give in once or twice but this was not the general theme) and was generally chummy rather than in any way romantic.

Be sexual from the start: Yup he certainly was and we probably (he claimed he wanted to get to know me properly before we did but would clearly have given in if I had) only didn't have sex that night because I declined.

Make her see you are not 'serious': Well he definitely succeeded on this one as filled with so many hints and stories about one-night stands and ex-girlfriends I am sure he wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship with me.

No emphasis on kissing: And again yes! Lancelot's kisses were sparing, in fact incredibly so compared to other men I have dated and starkly lacking considering how close we came to having sex.

Sleep alone: Must admit he declined to share a bed with me and went off to the spare room...

He is grooming me to be his fuck buddy I am sure of it! Not unhappy at the prospect but really he is following all but one of the list of requirements and the only one he isn't following is the don't see her too often rule which he has going for him anyway as I live so far away!

Amused and rather unsure what my reaction is... Really I think I am quite flattered that he likes and is interested in me in any way whatsoever. I know I am great and have many fine attributes and also look jolly nice, but Lancelot I find so charming and utterly handsome that he makes me (this and the lack of compliments which I must admit I am rather used to receiving from men I am even sort of dating) feel unworthy of him and so to be of any interest to him at all... very pathetic of me but sadly true. And I know I would much rather be his friend with benefits than the girlfriend of either Mr Blonde or the Blue Peter Chap. Or perhaps I have just been reading too much Cooper and have become convinced that Lancelot is in fact my Rupert Campbell-Black?!

Oh wonderful RCB! I have late in life discovered the naughty delights of Jilly Cooper books. It is my great new shame as far as low-brow literature goes but thanks to my darling new Kindle no-one need ever know about it. I was most amused to discover on Amazon that of the top 100 free kindle downloads at least 20% are for erotica. People are obviously thrilled that at long last they can read whatever type of book they like without being judged in ay way for no longer do they have to brave the smirks of the cashier or the dread thought of their neighbour getting their parcel by mistake, oh no all they have to do is download it onto their kindle and they can then perfectly happily read their guilty pleasure on the bus to work without anyone being any the wiser! Gosh I do love Jilly Cooper... the books (yes although it has taken me a long time to stumble upon them I am making up for lost time and am already devouring my second) are in fact surprisingly intelligently and well written, the characters cleverly drawn and the plots are naughty without being actually smutty and all in all the books are best summed up as being jolly good fun and frightfully enjoyable.

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