Snuff, or the almost sickening love between Same Vimes and Lady Sybil.

I love Sam Vimes, and I adore Lady Sybil. I loved them as single characters and then swooned with delight when they married and eagerly sought out all the little bits of interaction they shared in the various discworld books. Literally nothing delighted me more in each new installment. However, the new discworld book 'Snuff' has nothing but Sam and Sybil, and even I found it huge overkill.

We get far too much of them together. I can't believe I think that... I would have thought nothing would have given me more pleasure than that sort of discworld book, but there is just too much of them being all couply together. Sam Vimes was always willing to do what his wife told him, but I hated feeling he was hen-pecked, and poor old Sybil for I don't believe she is a hen-pecker. But in this book she is made to order him around rather, while there is even an implied sex scene... totally out of character for a discworld book and it just didn't feel right.

The book is just one long love letter to the marriage of Sam and Sybil and I found it a bit sickening by the end, much as I love them. Pratchett is a master writer but perhaps his strength is in juggling lots of different characters and plots within the same narrative, and so when he tackled only one plot and just a few characters it didn't work out so well. He has also changed the character of Wilikins in this book. I admit that just fleshing out the character would have been fine, but it felt like he had changed him somewhat, and although I did rather like his closeness to Vimes, I didn't believe in it after the other books.

But of course there are parts that work very well indeed, though interestingly these I found to be when the rest of the city watch were mentioned, which was not nearly often enough. It really could have done with a much greater cast and lots of the old favourite characters being shipped out to the countryside with Vimes and Sybil. However, even among the lovely city watch moments there was one dreadful scene where we get to hear the inner thoughts of Cheery the dwarf... have to try hard not to let that spoil her as a character for me.

I hate to write so critically of the man who is just about my favourite living author, but I must admit to being a tad disappointed by 'Snuff''. I like to think it is just that I hated reading about such a happy relationship, and that once all happily in love I can re-read it and enjoy it!

The long wait of Lady Sybil Vimes.

Alas he said no... or rather he was probably saying no. Very odd reply which I originally took to mean he was turning me down, but has been interpreted by several friends as meaning that he didn't realise I was asking him out. But although I like this ego comforting theory I suspect said friends are just being nice and the delicious lecturer was trying to let me down nicely. Jolly embarrassing either way and I have found out how truly horrible it is to ask someone out and have them say no... actually this is the first time I ever have. Nasty stuff it turns out but I can at least console myself with the thought that I am jolly unlikely to ever see him again which is wonderfully good at overcoming my total sense of embarrassment and sorrow.

Sadly I did like him rather an awful lot, and although I had no reason to think he wanted to go out with me he definitely did enjoy my company. Gosh I miss him now... I really do feel a sense of loss, almost as though I have lost a good friend, for I am one of those people who likes to have a backup daydream, a storyline of sorts one can tune into when needed, like when waiting for a bus or during a dull lecture. And for the last two months or so he has been part of my daydreams. But now all of that is no more and though I am, or rather will be when I can stop cringing at the memory of asking him out, glad that I had the guts to ask him out (after all it was worth a shot and was the only way I could have ended up dating him), I still miss his presence in my life. It reminds me of the scene in 'Love in a Cold Climate' by Nancy Mitford where Fanny is asked if she is in love and replies in the affirmative. Her questioner answers that of course she is, for otherwise what on earth would she think about when alone?

I have not had much luck with men since splitting up with my ex and it makes me rather sad sometimes. I am attractive, slim and rather pretty, clever and interested in lots of things, but although men do seem to like me they don't ask me out... Apart from a boring tory boy only my cute friend in London has asked me out since last summer. Actually the latter is lovely but rather a flirt and though we could have some fun together, and indeed might well do over the summer, that will be all and no relationship or even real dating will come out of that. Meanwhile my flatmate is practically living at her boyfriend's house and my best friend's married lover has told her he is leaving his wife for her... Plus I did like the lecturer chap so very much...

I have several times expressed my desire to be like Lady Sybil and find my Sam Vimes, but I have just realised that Sybil lived alone and without love until her 40s (or possibly late 30s) before suddenly meeting Vimes. While their relationship is jolly romantic and certainly worth waiting for, all of a sudden I don't like the notion that I might have to sacrifice myself to a similar fate of being dateless and without a love life until I hit 40... Not a happy thought but not at all sure what to do to avert it. After all the only thing one can really suggest to combat that is not to wait for men to ask you out but to do the asking, and as I have just demonstrated that does not help things as the horrid men say no! Perhaps turning to the example of Becky Sharp really is the way to go... at least she didn't mind not being in love but focused instead on herself and having a wonderful time...

Sam Vimes and his Lady Sybil...

Oh gosh I do hate Valentines Day when I am single. I have spent all day seeing couples everywhere, even when I went shopping I kept seeing couples holding hands and then the men paying for lots of lovely underwear and perfume and chocolates for the women in their lives... Arrgh!!!

At times like these I think of all the wonderful men in literature who I find deliciously romantic, Sam Vimes being at the top of the list. This is deeply ironic as he wasn't at all romantic, but what happened between him and Sybil felt so deep and just incredibly special. A real proper connection exists between them, they love each other truly and deeply and yes I do believe passionately, he just doesn't go in for gestures. Just as well he has Sybil as I am a girl who adores romantic gestures!

Last night I watched Braveheart and cried. I always cry at the end, I love it and his fight, but above all the deep and abiding love he carries for his dead wife. Rhett Butler speaks to me as well, he would have gone all out for a Valentines Day with Scarlet and would have done so because it meant a lot to her rather than because he liked roses and chocolates. Oh gosh what I wouldn't give for a man like that who made my heart beat hard and fast.

I am very intentionally not thinking about Germanicus... I have been an awful lot recently and I do hope it is because of St Valentine and his bloody day. I go round and round lots of different issues in general but then last night I got very upset. My flatmate and her boyfriend were giggling and having a lovely time in the other room and I suddenly felt hugely lonely. I felt this urge to get back in touch with him but then I remembered that I had tried to get us back together and he had said no... It is about time I took that as closure and moved on.

However, I refuse to mope or be in the depths of despair (a charming Anne of Green Gables reference there) and so I am going to my friend's flat (she of the married man affair fame... still to hear from him on whether he is going to give her up or leave his wife.... she has now been waiting almost 6 weeks!) and we are going to eat lots of yummy things and polish off a couple of bottles of champagne, pink to match the special day!

Pure Fantasy.

Neil Gaiman's 'Stardust' was the book I carried around with me last week. It really was very enjoyable and I thought it heaps better than 'Neverwhere' which I was given for Christmas the year before (in fact the same friend gave me Stardust this Christmas being a huge fan of his herself). It is a fantasy book of the purest sort which I am not at all used to, the nearest I get to fantasy being Terry Pratchett but since he draws so many parallels with the real world they don't feel as alien to me as proper fantasy novels. Although Gaiman writes very fluidly and creates worlds that are terribly interesting and fantastical, he always leaves me feeling unfulfilled. His characters are never properly drawn and are always one dimensional so they are hard to like or care about, his fantasy worlds are certainly jolly exciting but are not described well enough for one to feel they really exist or to even properly picture them, unlike the fantasy world created by J. K Rowling for example. But above all what leaves me feeling he can't craft a book properly is that large amounts of it will be written in such a simplistic style that I get bored and feel that really he should be writing for the young adult market instead, but then there will be a big sex scene, and so clearly he does intend his book to be for adults... Not an author I am much impressed by.

I am currently very annoyed with my flatmate. Since we moved in together last summer I have always been the one who organised the bills, did the majority of the housework and so on and I got used to it and although it irked me a little sometimes I had pretty much thought that would happen before we moved in together and she is easy to live with so it was okay. Then she met her boyfriend and they have spent every night together since at his flat. I was a bit lonely at times but I got used to it and after all it was none of my business where she choose to sleep as long as she paid her share of the bills etc. However, since Christmas she and her boyfriend have sort of decamped to our flat on a regular basis and I am not loving the extra company... I suppose I got used to having the flat to myself a lot of the time, but the fact that she is around more but still doing no extra stuff with the flat is bugging me a tad. All made worse by discovering this morning that she had piled my mail from over a month ago, including bills in my name but for us both for which we had incurred late fees as I thought no bill had arrived, personal invitations and letters, she had piled all of this under junk mail and not bothered about it! I am cross and doubt she will apologise... but then I do rather wonder if deep down it is more to do with the fact I am not at all sure I like her boyfriend and am not wild that he is spending so much time in our flat. When there are only two of you having another person around makes a big difference I find.

He seems so unfriendly and pretty much ignores me, while she is so wrapped up in him that when he is there she barely manages to say hello. He was round on the night I got in with my highest ever grade for an essay and I very excitedly told her the news to have her half heartedly say well down while he continued to watch tv, she then turned to him and started talking about something else... This is only her second ever boyfriend and I understand she is absorbed by him but I do feel she is taking it too far. I vow never to become such a girlfriend and I definitely think spending every single night together is too much; everyone needs some free time on their own and time with friends without their boyfriend. When I was with my ex I did spend a lot of time with him and although I do consider I spent too much time with him on balance, I still spent time on my won doing things and lots with friends... I can't help feeling that being so focused on a man (everything they do revolves around him and his schedual and preferences)  is jolly pathetic. Plus such intensity cannot be sustained forever, perhaps their relationship will burn out?

Interestingly although they are so together and clingy with each other (or at least she is), they are not planning to move in together this summer when we would have the option of letting our lease expire... It kind of makes me wonder if he is less serious than she is but that he just likes having a girlfriend. He is certainly a serial relationship person which I dislike intensely. He was with a girl for 3 years, within 2 months of splitting he was with another for a year and within a few weeks he was with my flatmate! Rather horrifying and it does imply that he doesn't like being single and just goes for the first girl he quite likes. I hate that sort of thing and would much rather be single for a long time to get over the previous person and also to find someone good enough to go out with. Maybe he just likes the fantasy that Hollywood sells us whereby everyone gets coupled up and so he goes from girlfriend to girlfriend as he has been sold the dream that being in a couple is preferable?

The power of physical attraction.

Stuck deep in essay season which I enjoy complaining about very much indeed. In fact although it is jolly hard work and my essay topics seem to be incredibly difficult and insurmountable I am really loving being busy and constantly on the move. Even when I allow myself breaks they are glorious and sleepy and highly enjoyable in contrast to the indignities of essay writing. The only downside is that as I have so much reading of textbooks to do for them that I am shamelessly neglecting the reading of fiction, bar the odd forage into a Nancy Mitford and my wonderful discworld audiobooks (just bought Monstrous Regiment from itunes).

That boring Tory boy did indeed ask me out again, for this Saturday night, but I have turned him down and pleaded my latest essay as an excuse. I truly find him physically repulsive... I feel rather bad about that as he is not particularly unattractive: normal height, dresses quite well, unremarkable looks but nothing hideous and so on. But for some reason the very idea of kissing him (well kissing I could probably manage but certainly the notion of anything else) makes me feel rather disgusted... I would so much rather kiss my chubby lecture buddy who I can perfectly well see is a lot less attractive... most odd. Like most of us I am vain and so I am very pleased he wants to go out with me, but all the same I think I would probably rather he didn't ask me again. Being physically attracted to someone is so important, I am not prepared to sacrifice something like that just to get a date.

Meeting up with a couple of good friends tonight, the one with the married chap and our mutual male friend. Things became weird between myself and my male friend after I split up with my horrid ex-boyfriend. He started to behave slightly differently and I was a little freaked out by it although thankfully he didn't do anything and clearly because of how he felt he avoided me for a few months after that. I like my male friends to be nice and safe, to know for sure that no matter how drunk we get nothing will happen between us. My flatmate, until her boyfriend, always seemed to end up sleeping with or kissing her male friends when very drunk. These incidents were almost always one offs and left her in uncomfortable, I like him but what does he feel and we are friends and this is very messy territory which I personally wish to avoid. Anyway he and I seem to be pretty much back to where we were before.

This is the day on which my other friend sees her married chap. She is meeting us for drinks and dinner and then going to see him. I wish she would change her mind and not meet up with him. She is being messed about by him and no matter how hard it is for her now it will be so much worse when they eventually have to stop seeing each other, and she will clearly be the one to have to end it some day which will be dreadful for her, he won't even have the guts to do that. She does still have her actual boyfriend but from what she told me earlier in the week when we met for lunch she seems to be tiring of him, and were they to finish I am sure she would start up a proper affair again with the married man. I don't want her to get hurt and I can see her gliding along towards a horrid breakup. I really need to come up with literary names for her and my flatmate and others, especially now I have named Moist... I will consider naming them after discworld characters but am concerned that that could spoil the books for me!

Sam Vimes and Lady Sybil?

I adore Terry Pratchett's discworld series. In it he has created a whole world and populated it with peoples (one has to say peoples as not only are there humans but also trolls, dwarfs etc) who are both an ironic take on other nationalities and also a loving homage. His characters are both funny and yet are so well formed and characterised that they can also be heart-breakingly real and poignant. I am always iritated by reviews of his books and articles about them where it is assumed that their sole audience is spotty teenage boys, I am an avid fan of the great man and know many other adults who also revere him, just because some hacks fail to appreciate his more subtle and very clever charms they dismiss him out of court.

Such perfect homages and ironic takes are found in Pratchett. He has based some of his characters on historical characters, one of my favourites being Lord Vetinari who is based on Niccolo Machiavelli. Vetinari is tremendous and so wonderfully cold blooded and so similar in my mind to his counterpart that recently when I re-read 'The Prince' I found myself picturing him as the august ruler of Ankh-Morpork. And there is another great homage, for the capital city of the disc is based on the classical Rome and all roads do indeed lead to Ankh-Morpork.

To my mind the best of the discworld series' (there are several different series within the many discworld books, each different series focusing on a particular set of characters) is without a doubt the city watch books. There is nothing to beat the glorious Sam Vimes and if he were not so perfectly matched to Lady Sybil I would feel quite jealous!

I was thinking of Sam Vimes earlier for some odd reason and it got me thinking about love. He had a very brusque sort of courtship and yet one never doubted the great love behind it and then behind his marriage. I have always sought the hearts and roses type of courtship but while I adore the fuss with Germanicus I still felt the solidity of his feelings and of our relationship. I miss him very badly indeed and it is starting to overwhelm me. I think of him every day and often throughout each day. Were he to want to get back together and to promise that certain of the things that split us up would change then I would throw myself into his arms and stay there. But as it is we continue to meet up (sadly I am still the one to always suggest we meet up, he seems wonderfully happy to see me each time but I think my splitting up with him has made him less eager to suggest meetings to me) and I have started to cry when we do.

The last time I said goodbye prematurely as I knew I was going to cry and so goodnighted and then walked off, but he followed me. I cried and didn't say why and after once telling him I was fine he didn't ask again. The time before I went over to his flat to watch a dvd and I cried almost the whole way through but in a silent sort of way and as I have long hair and he was next to me he didn't notice. I cry when I am with him because it is just so nice and reassuring and contented being with him, like it used to be. My life is very happy and full of other things but I still miss the contentment and perhaps the safety of being with G.

Do I want to get back together with him? And at what cost? Would I be prepared to initiate it? To the latter at least I am still saying no. If I were to, in effect, go back to him then our relationship would just slip back into what it used to be and that is certainly not what I want.  I so want him to love me enough to try and get me back, but it didn't happen when I split up with him and it just isn't happening now. I do believe he may still love me but G is very wary about letting people get properly close to him and in his mind I can see I rejected him. I miss him so badly it hurts and I never seem to forget about it.

I used to really believe that G and I would go the distance and remain the loving and happy couple we were until the end of our days. It did seem incredible but while with him I felt so happy and was never the least bit interested in anyone else. We knew each other well and enjoyed so many of the same things. Even now when I have been single over 3 months and met lot of men since I haven't yet kissed anyone else, I have liked a few boys but somehow getting close to them feels weird and makes me panic.

But I don't know if I still love him. I was unhappy due to his lack of commitment and other things and the relationship soured as a result but when I split with him I still felt love. Sometimes I wonder if I have persuaded myself that being apart is for the best and that my heart is trying to tell me otherwise. 

I really thought we could be a united front like Sam and Sybil... Well Sam Vimes would not sit around moping and I am not either! Went to a terrific party last week and have another splendid sounding one tomorrow night. Always possible I might meet a new chap. The boring date guy keeps calling me... I wonder what he wants?! Must make myself available to men and just be happy and confident and not over think things!

From old to new.

Met up with Germanicus last night. For the first time we hung out properly as friends, well except for him having his arm around me as we watched movies and my falling asleep on his chest.... So not quite black and white friends territory but still I think of it as good progress for there was no awkward talk of our previous relationship and we just had a relaxed time. I did have rather too much to drink which is perhaps why I kept dozing off event though it wasn't especially late, but I really enjoyed being with him. He seems to be discovering his uber geeky side now that he is single again and plans to start war gaming and playing 40k. I love geekiness but am jolly amused at his only getting into it after we split up. Clearly he is using it as a way to fill his time. What I am v keen on, however, is his holding some diplomacy evenings as I long to play it again. We have only played it once (a wonderful evening of red wine, diplomacy and geeky chatting) and I am desperate to repeat it. I very enarly nearly won against some very experienced players and it made me feel like Lord Vetinari!

Currently trying to compose a reply to that chap who asked me out over facebook. I wonder what I should call him... I am finding it very tricky to come up with names to use for my friends and acquaintences on here... I would call him Tory boy but I know so many of them that that just won't work. In fact I will not be naming him because this chap, nice though he is, is not going to become a fixture in this blog.

Gosh I do feel rather weird about going on a date, especially when I am unattracted to the boy... but I need the practice, we can talk about books which I will adore, and I can pretend that I thought he was asking me to hang out as a friend if neccessary. Actually that last is not entirely true for when I turn down a boy I always like to leave the door slightly open and before Germanicus my line always was 'I really like you but I don't feel I know you well enough... etc' which I found very successful in retaining their uinterest and yet also saying no gently. Now I think a good line would be 'I like you a lot but I have just come out of a long term relationship... etc'.

Oh well at least he reads books! He is particularly interested in classical literature, as in the classics (Livy, Suetonius, Tacitus etc) rather than classic books whichb suits me wonderfully as I am very into the classics, he also loves P.G. Wodehouse and so I anticipate lots of chummy chatting about Blandings and Jeeves and Wooster.

Bonjour bonheur.

Having rather a jolly time of it today which is due in no small part to having started a new book. Technically it is not new but one I am rereading but I am always so desolate without a book in my hand that being plunged back into one is perfectly heavenly. I am reading 'Bonjour Tristesse' by Francoise Sagan which is a smash book about a young French girl named Cecile and her interventions in the love life of her charismatic and decadent playboy father. It is a wonderful little novella and Sagan was but a mere 18 years of age when she published the book which is quite extraordinary when one considers the complex nature of the character development. The voice of the narrator and main character Cecile, who is the same age as the author when it was written, is marvelously accurate and it is solely on that head that one might guess Sagan to have been so young a literary queen.

I also continue with my Blandings novels but as they really are very similar and all in the same style one also needs at least one other book on the go. Indeed I mostly reserve my P.G Wodehouses to be read with meals and to take around with me in the bag for spot of reading on trains and so on. One needs to very careful with them though for a often find myself giggling aloud as I read them and have attracted some interested looks!

Not only an I great devourer of the written word but I adore and am utterly and completely dependant on audiobooks. Currently my ears are enjoying 'Diary of a Nobody' by the bros Grossmith. It is one of my all time favourite books and I just can't listen to it too often. I have the Martin Jarvis version on my ipod and he is the perfect compliment to Pooter. I was first introduced to the brilliant and second to none audiobook work of Jarvis as a child when I heard his versions of the 'Just William' books which incidentally I think are some of the very best childrens books ever, they are right up there with 'The Wind in the Willows', 'Winnie the Pooh' and my personal favourite 'The Hobbit'. Jarvis is masterful at humour in his voice acting and I can't recommend him strongly enough. Selecting audiobooks to listen to is a fine art for one is not merely looking for a ideal book but a book ideal for listening to (they are very much not one and the same, I once owned 'The Wings of the Dove' as audio and it was truly dreadful) and also the perfect narrator for that work. I tend to avoid dramatisations as I find they have changed lots of things about the book to made it right for dramatisation and almost always severely abridged it, although an exception to that rule is the terrific BBC dramatisation of 'Lord of the Rings' which includes lots of splendid music written specially for Middle Earth.

I have a huge collection of audiobooks and my hot tips are 'Paul Temple' - but only the Peter Coke versions which are utterly splendid, Agatha Christie Poirot or Miss Marple books - Hugh Fraser and Joan Hickson versions are particularly good and Terry Pratchett novels - only the Tony Robinson versions. I normally always go for the unabridged version and my one exception to that rule is for the Tony Robinson Terry Prachett audiobooks. They are heavily abridged but it is skillfully done and Tony Robinson is such a perfect choice as the voices of the characters that it is more than made up for. He is to the Discworld what Martin Jarvis is to 'Just William'.